Unrequited
by Sable Xane
Summary: He loved a man he could never marry and married a man he could never truly love. In the end all he had left was his unrequited love and the memory of a ghost. HPDM HPLM mpreg slash character death


**Unrequited**

**Disclaimer:** I do not now, nor have I ever owned any of the Harry Potter characters or any part of that universe. Only the plot is mine.

**A/N:** This story ignores the sixth book. Be forewarned that this is meant to be a short fic. It is mostly narrative and I did not go into great detail.

---

"So what now Harry?" Harry looked up from his bloodied fingernails and forced his hand away from his mouth. He had always bit them until they bleed and it didn't seem likely to be a habit he would stop anytime soon.

"I don't know Ron. I guess we finish school. You will go on to be an Auror and Hermione will be some kind of super witch."

"Hey!" Hermione smacked his arm and leaned back against Ron.

Harry laughed and started pulling blades of grass up as he spoke. "You two will get married and have a dozen kids." Now it was Ron's turn to protest. "Come off it. You know with those genes that you are going to have lots of kids." Hermione started to giggle.

"So what about you mate?" Harry looked up at his friends again and then back down before shrugging.

"Don't know. I don't really have any plans. I just know that I have had my fill of fame and fighting. I want to do something where I can have a little peace." Harry sighed and lay back on the grass. "I may go back to the muggle world for awhile. I thought I might see if I could go back and take some classes, see if I can qualify for med school or something."

Hermione sat up and then rolled so that she could prop on Harry's stomach. "You don't have to leave to study medicine if that is what you want to do."

Harry reached down and ran his hand through her hair. "I know, but then it isn't really about that is it?" He sighed heavily. "It is not like you will never see me again. I plan to stay in touch."

"You just want to get out for awhile." Harry looked over at Ron and nodded his head.

"Yeah, it has been a long time since I could think about anything but this war and Voldemort. I just want a little time to… find myself."

In truth, Harry just wanted a way out. He wanted to be able to figure it all out. The final battle had been a bit anticlimactic and when it was over there was really no purpose left for him. He had fulfilled his destiny and was left with nothing but blood on his hands and questions about what his future held. He still hadn't been able to come to terms with the fact that fate had destined him to be a murdered. Evil bastard or not, he had murdered Voldemort and more death eaters then he cared to think about.

He would never be held accountable for his crimes and he would never be seen as anything less than a hero for all that he had done. He was not evil, but his heart told him that he was… dirty. If he could find someway to cleanse himself then he would. If he healed others than perhaps he could heal as well.

---

Graduation came and went, time moved forward and Harry did just as he said he would. He left the magical world and for eight years he didn't look back save to stay in touch with his friends. In that time he did indeed not only qualify, but graduate from med school with honors. He worked in various hospitals and soon became one of the best trauma surgeons in British Isles.

Just as Harry had predicted, Ron and Hermione had gone on to be wed and did indeed have four children with another on the way. Ron was an Auror and Hermione a spellcrafter. Too the rest of the surviving Weasleys had gone on and done well for themselves. Bill, Charlie, and the twins were all married and had at least one child each. Ginny was happily engaged and doing well with her job at the ministry. Molly was in heaven with so many grandchildren to dote over and Arthur was retired and though still weak from the injuries he sustained in the war, he was happy.

Others that Harry had stayed in touch with were doing well also. The wizarding world was recovering well and things were peaceful.

But with all that was going right, Harry was still ill content. Some time ago he had discovered that he was fonder of the same sex and that was not something he was comfortable with. Though he was all but absent from the wizarding public's view, his steps were still dogged every time he was seen there. He did not see how the wizarding world could ever accept their savior being gay, let alone the man that haunted his dreams, and unless he cut ties completely they would know. That was something he could never do, he was first and foremost a wizard, regardless of the life he lived.

Thus it was that he made up his mind that it was time to go home. More and more of late his absence was being criticized and the public was calling for his return. So he handed in his notice and said goodbye to his friends in the muggle world. He closed up his muggle apartment and moved back to London and into the long since refurbished #12 Grimmauld Place.

He was at a loss at first what to do with himself, but after a long talk with the director at St Mungo's he spent six months qualifying as a mediwizard. Not long there after he was apprenticed under Madam Pomfrey, and when he was done there he opened a small practice in Hogsmead. The public seemed satisfied by this and he was able to once again move on with his life.

Two more years passed in this fashion, ten years since the war had ended, and once again the wizarding world was out for him. Now they insisted that it was time for him to marry and continue the Potter line.

---

Harry smiled at his youngest godchild and bounced the toddler on his knee. Walton was Ron and Hermione's only son out of the six children that they had. The two year old seemed to be intrigued by the red and white Santa hat that Harry was wearing and Harry was amusing him by casing the bell at the end to ring. "Really Harry, you are twenty-eight, don't _you_ think that it is time you got married."

Harry sighed and looked up at Molly, "Not really. I mean, where does it say that I HAVE to get married. What if I want to stay single?"

The Weasley sons all laughed. They all knew that it was only a matter of time before Molly Weasley got her way and talked her adopted son into getting married and giving her more grandbabies.

"Really Harry, I know you better than that. You have always wanted a family." Harry looked up at his surrogate mother and smiled sadly.

"But I already have a family, and could never hope for a better one." There was silence for a moment. They all knew what family meant to Harry.

"We knew son, but it is not good to be alone so much. All you ever do is work." Harry swung his head around to look at Arthur. The man was mostly quiet since the war, but when he did speak he always seemed to say something profound.

"I-I'm just not… inclined that way." Harry looked back down at Wally and hugged the baby to him. He had never come out… to anyone. In fact with the exception of his disastrous relationship with Cho, he had never so much as kissed another person in that way.

"We aren't blind, Harry." Harry looked up. It seemed that they all felt this way, because it was Bill's turn to speak.

"What do you mean," He asked looking back down at the toddler who was again trying to catch the bell on his hat.

Ginny snorted and Fred started whispering into George's ear. Molly shushed them and looked at Harry with hard eyes. "I don't really know why you think you have to hide from us." Harry look around the room. Everyone there was looking at him with knowing eyes. All of the Weasleys and their respective spouses seemed to see right through them. Harry took a deep breath and thanked the heavens that of all the children only little Wally was wake.

He decided to play ignorant; he couldn't face this, not now, not ever. "Really, I don't know what you are all on about. I just haven't…"

"If you say 'found the right girl' I will get up and come over there just to hit you up side the head." Harry looked at Hermione and shook his head. He was personally overseeing the pregnancy that would put them up to nine. At this rate he had no doubt that Ron and Hermione would make the even dozen that he had predicted so many years ago. She was well into her eighth month and for her to threaten getting up to do _anything_ was serious.

"You are all in need of a trip to St Mungo's. Really, I just haven't gotten around to it, I don't know if I ever will. I don't think that I am the marrying type." Harry was beginning to feel like he was a prisoner during the Spanish Inquisition.

"Poppycock! Mate, you have never once dated since Cho. You haven't ever mentioned seeing anyone or even being interested. You haven't even made googoo eyes at any of the pretty servers when we go out. I do recall you looking at a few blokes from time to time as if they were pieces of meat."

Harry blushed bright red and Hermione hit her husband upside the head for his lack of tact. "We can all see it Harry and I know that even you aren't that thick." Ginny leaned into Dean's shoulder and sighed. "We just want you to be happy, it doesn't matter with who."

'If only you knew who I wanted.' The thought flashed through Harry's head before he could stop it and he blushed a little darker. "I guess it was a little stupid to try and keep it a secret." Harry mumbled darkly and he wondered if it was too late to go back to the muggle world and just hide there forever.

"That is putting it mildly mate." Ron said as he rested his head on Hermione's bulging stomach.

Harry looked back down at Wally and then up again at his family. He felt the first stirring of real panic starting to set in and knew he had to get out before he lost it. He handed the now sleeping toddler off to his nearest uncle and then slowly stood. It was early still, but he had to make an excuse. "I have to get going. I have a to go by the office and check on Patty before I go home."

"Harry…"

"I'm fine, really. I just have things to do and… I need time to think. I'll see you tomorrow for Boxing Day, alright." He knew they were reluctant to see him leave, but they all just nodded and he disappeared with a crack.

"Think we over did it?" Charlie asked quietly. They had decided that the best way to get him to come out was for them all to be there when he was confronted, but now Charlie was not the only one who was having second thoughts.

"He had to face it. Perhaps now he can come to terms with it." Everyone looked at Arthur and wondered if he was right.

---

That night Harry was plagued by the dreams that he had been suppressing since his return to the wizarding world. The blond hair and sliver eyes of his dream lover surrounded him as he was slowly taken. Hot flesh rubbed against him and pierced his body. When he woke he was sticky from seamen and sweat and he cursed the Weasleys for bringing these dreams back to him.

The one man whom he had ever desired was out of his reach and he knew it. It was only his denial that had managed to keep him sane. If word got out that he was gay then every other gay, single man in the wizarding world would be knocking at his door and he didn't want any of them. True he now knew that being gay in the wizarding world was not so bad as in the muggle one, hell wizards could even have babies with the proper help, but he was still not comfortable with it.

It was still early but he got up knowing that sleep was lost to him. He dressed, showered, and then went by the clinic before headed back to the Burrow to help Molly fix breakfast. Just as he had expected, the Weasley matriarch was hard at work in the kitchen and he moved in to start helping her without a word. He knew the routine and just as he hoped, Molly didn't say a thing as he took over the making the toast and then started setting the table. She had long ago lost the argument over accepting his help in the kitchen.

It was a long time until the silence was broken. "Are you alright Harry?"

Harry didn't stop what he was doing, but he did really think about her question for a moment. "I don't know. I have always hid what I am, from everyone. I have never had a relationship or even slept with anyone. I just don't know." Harry didn't blush when he talked about sex to Molly, he had nothing to be embarrassed about and there was just something about her that made him feel it was all right.

He didn't notice her approach until she wrapped her arms around him. He leaned back into that wonderful embrace that only a mother could give. "Why do you do this to yourself Harry?"

He turned around in her arms and buried his face in her chest as tears began to well up in his eyes. He voice was muffled when he spoke, "I have never been able to… I can't just…" He didn't know what to say and Molly seemed ready to wait. He just let her support him until they heard the first footsteps on the stairs and then he pulled away. He cast a quick charm on his face to hide the fact that he had been crying and she looked at him for a long moment.

"We aren't done talking about this."

"I know."

---

Harry didn't mean to avoid Molly and the rest of the Weasleys, really he didn't, but that was the way it worked out. The days turned into weeks and then months. He was kept busy at the clinic, but he still managed to find the time each day to check the paper and make sure that his secret stayed that way.

It was perhaps fate that just weeks before his birthday that he met up with non other than Draco Malfoy while out to lunch in Hogsmead. They two had not been enemies since before the wars end when the Malfoys had come to Dumbledore for sanctuary from Voldemort's wrath. It had surprised a number of people, but in the end they proved themselves. All it had taken for Lucius Malfoy to switch sides was the Dark Lord's idea to use Draco as a ritual sacrifice. Who would have guessed that the man actually loved anyone or anything but himself and the power he could garner?

Harry and Draco had a wonderful time talking and catching up on the events of the last ten years or so. Draco talked about his parents and how his father had taken to a quiet life after the death of his mother. Draco himself had been working at the ministry in the magical games and sports office after his carrier as a seeker had been cut short due to injury. "But really, both father and I have been working on rebuilding the family name."

Draco looked down at his watch. "Heavens is that the time? I need to go. I have an appointment with Dumbledore at two about the… it doesn't matter." He chuckled and stood. "It was good to see you again, Po… Harry."

Harry smiled at his lunch companion as he dropped a handful of galleons on the table. "I'll walk you out, I need to go back to the clinic anyway."

Draco nodded and they walked out together into the bright sunlight. "We'll have to do this again sometime Harry. You never really did talk about what you have been doing besides working at that clinic."

Harry smiled a little sadly, "That is all I really do. Well, that and spend time with the Weasleys."

"What don't you ever go out with friends or date?"

Harry gave a self-depreciating laugh. "Almost everyone I know is married with kids and as for dating… lets just say I haven't found the time."

Draco gave Harry a penetrating look, but said nothing about the comment. "Look, I know that your birthday is coming up in the next few days…"

"How did you…"

"You're Harry Potter."

"Touché."

Draco nodded, "Anyway, let me take you out to dinner for the occasion."

Harry knew he looked just as apprehensive as he felt. "I don't know. I already have plans to spend my birthday with the Weasleys."

"So we don't do it on your birthday. You must get a day off every now and then from the clinic, Saturday night maybe?"

Harry batted the idea around in his head for a few moments. Was this going to be a date? The idea wasn't all bad but then Draco didn't even know that Harry was gay, did he? "Alright."

"Good, meet me at the Leaky Cauldron at seven."

"I'll be there." Harry watched Draco smile and then turn towards the castle. He looked after the other man until he vanished over the hill and then turned and headed back toward the clinic. He didn't know if this was a good idea or not, but he couldn't hide forever and the man of his dreams was never going to look at him that way anyway.

---

Molly Weasley always treated Harry's birthday like a national holiday. Harry thanked Merlin every year that it wasn't, though it had been a close thing. Molly spent the day trying her hardest to spoil Harry rotten and Harry spent the day trying not to die from over eating.

After the cake was cut, coffee was served, and the children been put to bed, Harry found himself in a situation that was oddly familiar, well perhaps not oddly. He had after all just been in this situation at Christmas.

There was a slight tightening in his gut as he realized that everyone seemed to be waiting for him to speak. He tried to look like he didn't notice by casually sipping his coffee, but it didn't work for long. "What?"

Several of the Weasleys exchanged glances and something must have been decided because Ron sighed and looked Harry in the eye. "You have been avoiding us."

"No I haven't. I have been busy." He took another sip of his tea and Molly made some kind of gesture that caused all of the spouses, save Hermione, to get up almost at once talking about needing to check on the kids. As they left Katie, Fred's wife, Alicia, George's wife, and Allison, Charlie's wife, each took one of Ron and Hermione's infant daughters. After they were gone, Harry knew he was in for it so he decided to head of the conversation the only way he knew how, "Look if it will get you all off my back, I have a date on Saturday night." There was silence following this statement and he wondered if he should have said anything at all. Draco had never said that it was a date and the Weasleys and Malfoys didn't exactly get along.

"Really?" Ginny looked like Christmas had come early, but then she had always been a bit of a gossip. "With whom?"

Harry sighed and pulled off his glasses so that he could rub his eyes. "I don't know that I want to tell you that." He mumbled before putting the small, square wire frames back on.

"And why not?" Harry met Ron's gaze for a moment and then at each of the other faces around him.

"You aren't going to like it." He leaned back in his chair and looked up at the whitewashed ceiling. As a result of his new posture he didn't see Hermione approach him until she plopped down in his lap. She was no lightweight after giving birth six times to nine different children in the past ten years and Harry gave an 'umf'.

Hermione hit him not so lightly on the shoulder and grabbed hold of his chin so that he was looking her in the eye. "I believe that we told you at Christmas that we didn't care who you were with as long as you were happy."

"I don't think it applies in this case." Harry said so quietly that she almost couldn't hear him.

"Just tell us."

Harry sighed for what must have been the thousandth time since they had forced him out of the closet. "Fine, Draco Malfoy." You could have heard the proverbial needle.

After a moment Ginny squealed loudly, "Really! That is wonderful!"

Harry wasn't the only one who looked at her like she had grown a second head following this comment, but it did break the tension in the room. "Though I lack her enthusiasm, I agree."

Harry looked at Arthur for a long time and decided that he meant it. In truth he was the one Harry was most worried about, even more so than Ron. If Arthur approved with his long history of hatred toward Lucius Malfoy then the there was hope for the rest of the Weasleys to follow suit.

---

As it turned out Draco had intended for the outing that Saturday to be a date. It was the first of many. Over the course of the next several months Harry and Draco spent most of their free time together. At Christmas Draco was first taken to properly 'meet' the Weasleys, as they _were_ Harry's family and then on Boxing Day Draco took Harry home to 'meet' his father.

Harry was almost sick with apprehension. Memories from years of dreams surfaced in his head as they approached the manor's front door, but when Severus Snape answered the door instead of Lucius some deeply hidden part of Harry gave a last cry of anguish and died.

That night when they returned to Draco's apartment with Lucius' approval Draco asked Harry to marry him and Harry answered with a simple 'yes.' That night Harry have himself whole for the first time to anyone, to the man he would settle for, for the rest of his life and long after Draco had fallen asleep Harry let the tears come.

---

The wedding was held in May and more people attended then Harry had ever met, let alone knew. Ron stood as Harry's best man and Lucius stood as his son's. It was almost too much for Harry to bind himself to one man while being able to see the face of the man his heart longed for. After it was all said and done they were able to escape to a privet reception for friends and family only.

Harry put on a brave face, but the eyes of his best friends watched him and knew something was not right.

Again time marched on. Before their first anniversary Harry gave birth to their son Lucius James Malfoy. Before their third anniversary Harry gave birth two twin daughters Lillian Iris and Narcissa Rose. When Harry found himself pregnant again only months after his daughters were born he wanted to die.

---

Harry sat behind his desk at the clinic and finished the last of the paperwork that would change him from and active player into a silent partner. He looked up when he heard his office door opening and forced a smile at his father-in-law. "Is there something I can do for you Lucius?"

Lucius was not a fool. He knew very well that something about him bothered Harry, though the man did his best not to let it show. "Draco asked me to come and pick you up. He was called to a meeting at the Quidditch league office and said he would be late."

Harry nodded and signed the bottom of the document before handing it to the owl that was taking it to his law wizard. "Thank you. You know how he gets when I am pregnant."

Lucius nodded but said nothing. He waited for Harry to gather up the last of his personal effects and put them into a bottomless box. When Harry was done Lucius shrunk the box and put it in his pocket before Harry could object. "Molly has the children, would you care to join me for dinner?"

It still sometimes amazed Harry how well the once family rivals now got along. The Weasleys seemed to be infinitely forgiving and the Malfoys could do anything if it was to their advantage. Keeping Harry happy was defiantly to their advantage. "I don't know, Lucius, it is already…"

"Only five o'clock and Draco assured me that it would be well after nine before he could get away. Molly agrees with me that you need a day off and I insist." Lucius took a firm hold on Harry's arm and started them out of the office.

"Well since you put it that way." Harry said sarcastically.

"Are you unwell?" Harry cursed himself silently and shook his head. The last thing he needed was to be put to bed. 'Unless Lucius comes with me.' He thought.

"No I am just tired." As they left the clinic and headed down the street toward the Three Broomsticks so they could floo wherever they were going Harry let his mind wander. Lucius and Severus had not lasted long as a couple. They made better friends than lovers and they knew it. Severus never really was the marring kind anyway. Over the years since Lucius had gone through several relationships and Harry had watched each one fail with a bit of hidden glee. True he was married to Draco and they had three beautiful children, but Harry never had and never would love the younger Malfoy.

Ron and Hermione had once asked him about his relationship with Draco. They somehow knew he was not entirely happy, but he had assured him that he was. To this day they did not believe him. No one would ever except that Harry had married Draco only because he knew he would never find love without Lucius and he wanted them to leave him alone about it.

Draco though, that was another thing entirely. Draco truly loved Harry, not that Harry could understand how. Then again Harry could never understand how anyone could love him, the Dursleys had told him otherwise often enough. Now here he was thirty-two years old and in love with his husbands father, a man that never would or could love him in that way.

Harry was shaken from his thoughts when they reached the pub and soon they had both vanished into the flames headed for Malfoy manor.

---

"GOD DAMNIT DRACO I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!" Harry grunted as the mediwitch told him to push and he bore down with the last of his strength. The sweet sound of a baby's cries filled the air and Harry collapsed back against the bed.

Harry didn't notice the tears running down his face until he looked up and saw Lucius standing there wiping them away. "I can't do this anymore."

"Yes you can Harry." Lucius' voice managed to sound both soothing and stern at the same time.

"I'm not built for this, I have done it four times already. The first set of twins was too much, I thought I could handle one more, but three?"

"Mr. Malfoy, you of all people should know that male pregnancies are notorious for getting larger as you go." Harry grunted as another pain hit him and he wanted to kick the nurse.

"Lucius, tell your son that I am never having sex with him AGAIN!"

---

Harry woke hours latter and looked around the room. The babies were sleeping peacefully in the cots at the foot of his bed and there were several Weasleys holding a quiet discussion with Lucius in the corner of the room. Oddly Draco was still absent.

Harry didn't really have the strength to say anything so he just watched them as they talked. Molly's face seemed draw, but then everyone else seemed shaken as well. Suddenly the thought hit Harry that they looked like someone had died.

Harry was out of his bed and kneeling next to his children before anyone even realized he was awake. All three looked fine and he saw his older children asleep in various Weasley arms. The only person missing was… "Where's Draco?"

They were all looking at him silently and had been since he got up. He stood up and grabbed hold of Lucius' shirt. "Where's Draco?" His heart seemed to clench in his chest. Memories of angry words screamed during labor came back to him. Just because he wasn't in love with his husband didn't mean he didn't love him at all. "I didn't mean it! I didn't! I was just in pain! Where's DRACO!"

As Harry collapsed, Lucius wrapped his arms around him to keep him from falling. "He's supposed to be here. We have to name the babies."

Harry sobs filled the room.

---

Harry held his youngest son as he watched the shining black box being lowered into the ground. The irony of it had almost been too much for Harry and some had wondered if he would go insane. In the in Harry had just cried himself out over it and then did as he had always done when faced with something so grim… he moved on.

Harry and the six youngest Malfoys moved into the manor with Lucius. Draco was a constant specter in Harry's life. Every time he looked at his children he saw Draco looking back at him accusingly. Harry had wanted a way out of their marriage, but would never a have taken it unless Draco were dead.

And time went on. Harry and Lucius raised Luc, Lilly, Iris, Draco, Victoria, and Sable as best they could and when at last the triplets went on to Hogwarts and the manor was empty, Harry truly felt that emptiness.

Lucius was not an old man by wizarding means and he was still as handsome as ever. Harry was still very much in love with him, probably more so now than ever before. As time had gone by, the Weasleys had encouraged Harry to start dating, but he had never had the heart to. He let them all think it was because he had loved Draco so much, but in truth he simply could never do to another what he had done to Draco.

And their they were, together in the manor, nothing between them but a ghost and an unrequited love, or so Harry thought, because he never saw the silver eyes that had been watching him or the love that shown within them.

-fin-

**A/N:** Okay, this was a LOT longer than I had intended it to be, but you never know when your muse is going to go nuts on you. Please let me know what you think.


End file.
